Mahie Blog

I'm at the point where I know that everything has an end—whether it's of your choice, completely opposite, or anything in between right and wrong. But everything must die. Every atom is decaying; some circumstances make them radioactive, and their decay is noticeable, while others decay silently. All I have to do is make peace with myself. I'm at the point where I enjoy failure, rejection, and the turning of the tables. Smoothness is boring. Challenges, rejections, and disappointments from the people around me are the most exciting things that happen to me. I like every path that breaks me more and more because I want to learn more about this world and myself. I want to see the world in greater depth. I don’t want to win this time—I want to succeed in moving on. I am pushing myself out of the box through bushes, fire, woods, and storms—I just want to cross this road of life with pride. I want to have wounds of pride rather than live the life of a coward. I'm accepting e...

Shadows are only visible in darkness.  I have often wondered about the wisdom behind the darkness in our lives. My belief in Allah's divine wisdom led me to question the purpose of this darkness that sometimes overtakes us. Today, as I tried to capture a photo of my shadow, the flash engulfed it, and the light made the shadow disappear. I couldn’t see or capture it anymore.   This made me reflect on how darkness impacts our lives. It allows us to see the shadow of our own soul—how damaged or wounded it might be. Pure souls can't survive in corrupted environments, and often, circumstances are designed to remove them from such filth and lead them to places meant for their purity.   Darkness reveals every beam of light that enters in your heart. I am reminded of Rumi's words: "The wound is the place where the light enters you." While I can see everything with my physical eyes, my Lord is gradually opening the inner eye of my soul. Slowly, I am beginning to understa...

 All emotions are present at same time in human brain or body, it's all depend on the gradual building of point which can trigger the emotion. It's not different from the clock of your K-map, if the potential of specific emotion is start getting high it crosses the limit of explosion and exploded. But what if the environment is still feeding it, it will be harmful or could be damaging to the person facing it and others around them.  The food to any emotion and feeling whether it's sadness, happiness, rejection, appreciation or hopelessness; comes from environment. What people are saying to you on a longer time and how impactful those people in your life, the music. Music has different theories but it's very impactful in the synapses the chemical responses in the brain. Your playlist is telling you alot about our mental health but we can't recognize during the flow of these nutrients of depression. But untill we experienced everything and can help someone else. It...

Panic Attack: A Serious Illness That Demands Attention Panic attacks are a serious mental health issue. You might be experiencing them yourself, or you may know someone going through them. During a panic attack, you lose control of your senses for a few seconds. You desperately want to breathe, but you can’t. The reasons might vary—personal trauma, prolonged stress, or even medical triggers. A panic attack often stems from unresolved stress, skipping meals, sleep deprivation, or crying for extended periods. It reaches its peak when a more severe event hits, causing your body to collapse under pressure. Your nasal cavity shrinks, making breathing almost impossible, and darkness clouds your vision. It’s as though death is closing in on you. You wish to regain control, but the high heart rate and breathlessness trap you in despair. Distraction: A Possible Lifesaver In such moments, a distraction can be life-saving. It could be someone unaware of your condition, unintentionally drawing you...

1. The Eternal Question In the middle of every night, I wake up from my bed with wide open eyes and ask my Lord, "Why did You send me to this world?" This is not a new question, and I have been in search of the answer for years. But I am still unable to find the answer. We all have a lot of questions that originate in our brains and pass through our bloodstream. I would like to say we live a life of certain questions. This differs in the patterns of our lives and journeys, but some questions are above the journey, and they will stay with us until the end of our lives.  Philosophy of life and existential questions drive us to search for the purpose of life and meaning of life , as we constantly ask ourselves life's deepest questions. 2. Questions of Society Most of the questions that we ask by looking at the surroundings, e.g., why are the poor born poor and why can’t the rich help them? Why do people die of hunger, and why can’t people feed them? Why, regardless of ...

 This year is going to end and I want to summarize my year here, a-lot of people will read this and a-lot of people who I want to read this will not as always. I have taken alot of wrong decisions this year and it is full of regrets having people and not letting them go at early. I chose wrong places and people to rely on and it gave me a lot of wisdom in return. I learn how to smile when you lost it in the dust of life problems, I learn to take help from strangers and feel the divine help in the severe darkness, I become very strong and self aware. I learn how to become courageous to collect your own pieces and get free from alot of expectations and take deep breaths in fresh air.  

Finding Happiness Beyond Goals and Possessions In today’s world, many of us are chasing something—whether it’s the next achievement, the next paycheck, or the next promotion. We think these things will make us happy, but what if they don’t? Let’s talk about why real happiness might be different from what we’ve been led to believe. The Problem with Achievement-Based Happiness You know that high you get when you reach a big goal? That’s dopamine, our brain’s reward chemical, kicking in. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t last. After a while—maybe an hour or so—that feeling fades, and many people are left wondering, “Is that it?” This often happens when we attach our happiness to achievements. Once we get there, there’s no place left to go. The journey’s over, and we’re left with a sense of emptiness. Think about how often we’re told to “dream big” and “reach for more.” It’s good to have goals, but if our happiness relies entirely on the next big thing, we end up in a cycle of always wantin...

Some days memories of my struggles come alive. And today is one of those days. I see everything clearly As soon as I screamed, “I am not dead!” But they buried me in the grave of their ego. I warned them I felt in danger But they ignored me. I shouted. I heard their voices. But they left me in that grave. This cycle continued until I gave up and quit. But is giving up really an option? I have told everyone that quitting is not an option. So what happened? Why would you give up now and give up everything just to save yourself? This grave does not consume me. But humanity consumes me with its behavior. Their actions are like swords. And they cut you apart without apology. This continues until you surrender—accepting everything that is happening around you.  Accept that expectations were shattered. Realizing that everyone's path is different. Accepting the burden of a heavy heart and feeling helpless Acknowledge the rush to disconnect from people. Accepting change separate paths Disco...

 I was running in the darkness madly I want to escape  I want to touch the light I saw a glimpse of light  It was a suffocated cottage filled with snakes I tried to get into that and managed to stay alive in that crowd of deadly snakes in a lighted suffocated cottage I survived  But my wounds are still bleeding . . . . . .

I have to push myself, I know already the whole of my life is in front of me, I know better that no one ever comes forward to push me to do my tasks, and nobody can not be. I do not have a shoulder which can soak my tears and make me fly without wings, it's always me vs me; I know it very well. Still, I wake up daily and wait for the miracle. I have to grow new wings and again fly towards unknown directions and destinations, I want to do this and I have to do this. Only Me is the person who actually knows what I actually want, What actually needed the most. I actually exactly know. I need death.

 Missing the Mess It's very true that every person has a different perspective of life and the struggles of their lives are different too. But sometimes I miss the old mess I used to be, the mess I became unexpectedly, and the mess I never wanted to be but I was. I miss that mess of my life when I get upset over something made in my head, something very distracting. Sometimes very focused sometimes very immature, Maybe old me is still alive in the corner of my heart, sitting silently afraid of the fears of future, afraid of people, afraid of the way people got changed. It's life but it is life. Sometimes you get opened to someone so much that you could not reopen like that again ever, even if you try. These bonds could be held between immature innocent kids who have not experienced detachment. Souls could bond again but minds could not. satisfaction or happiness On my to find my way out of this life, I have realized that love and satisfaction are two different things. We can be...

A lot has changed in time, from January to July, I was trying to gather life together, and my writing skills are getting worse and my analytical skills too because I have opted a way out of it and that's a way of avoidance. I don't like to communicate my fears, my weaknesses, and my shortcomings and I just want to relive the life that remained in my bucket. Mostly I want to share my experiences and write about each and every moment, about my feelings but sometimes I dont have words. sometimes I don't have feelings and sometimes both.  I just want to post that blog to make my account relive and start breathing again. it's October now and a lot has passed, daily I have learned new values, sometimes I just have to say that this world is a chain of experiences and emotions. Sometimes your emotions dominate and similarly, sometimes you could have full control of your emotions. Sometimes you know that certain emotions can damage your peace but you do not stop letting them dis...

 Sometimes rather most of the time, We can not free the person we loved, maybe because we do not love them the most or maybe we cannot love them the most. Because somewhere else someone either is making efforts to see us happy but we want to make others happy, we are not free. We are bound by the people who are making efforts for us, we are bound by the expectation they had already built for us, we are bound by the lives we were designed to live, we are bound by the paths we have already c hosed for ourselves. We can not feel the pain of someone we love and release their pain or help them. maybe this healing could hurt us too badly and break the beautiful bond of the expectations of some precious people we have already who made efforts too. At this time I think that the best solution is to release and move with the flow because you know when they g not in your control letting them go is the best way to stay positive and grow healthily. This is not the only thing rather we can not c...

Criticism It was very clear to me when I decided to write  that criticism is something you have to face. Like yeah you have to whenever you have to show something to someone, to represent someone, these someones are open rather invited to criticize to point out the mistakes they think there are, however, or maybe that is your style or your whole point to writing or whatever. But the thing here is that I was very sure and still decided to write, even in my last post I admitted that I am open to criticism and being judged, but damn man that's another level of patience required for criticism. This whole stage of my life is all about criticism of different things, the way you think, the way you think like damnn yeah, people don't even pass comments on the way you think while I am like yeah plz Can I think alone? Like, think in my head don't come to see what am I thinking. Period. The second type and the worst type of criticism is the one which you have to face from your whole s...

 Today I met the worst failure of my life. And when I said so I mean it. Like I go to a place where I always dreamt of but look at others being a part of that dream and living my dream. Being a person raising hands for clapping on the achievements of those who are living my dreams. I thought it would be difficult to be there, it was too but not that much. It gave me a feeling of joy with sadness, I could not read the feeling exactly, I was not aware of these before, and I was in the middle of all my failures at once. The feelings I was trying to keep to myself for years, the dreams which I keep to myself since childhood in front of me and I had to face them just like an intruder or a stranger, those were my dreams and I couldn't fulfil them. I couldn't understand why it didn't break me into pieces, just for a moment I felt shaken and broken but I knew that it would make it so I stay there and keep moving. It helped me realise that maybe those were not my dreams or now I get...

 When your hands are empty and you are barefooted with empty black heart, standing middle of chaos of life, waving at life hoping for life and standing besides dead life. Is not what death actually? Is there any other end of this end too ? Or just the repetition of failures, tries and cries? Search of hope, finding light, getting it's fake, stepping forward, stepping to the darkness and search of hope! Cycle continues. Life in heads is very heavy, life outside is just a mere reflection like nothing. Nothing like nothing. What if the ways of your survival got blocked, you have to wait in scortching heat, bare footed, head down, standing in  center of emptiness. I don't need empathy, sympathy or connections. I need me. My hands are empty, no hopes no happiness, i need answers i need patience i need my old self back.

After so long! I am trying to convince myself that I can write again besides judging myself based on what people could think and predict about me. It's neither easy nor difficult like a Lil decision, every beating heart can indeed feel but not every hand can write it down for them, and I had not been writing in respect to those silent beating hearts for so long. Still, now I want to become brave enough to accept that I have a loud heart. It speaks for everyone, it feels every word heard, it shouts when saw someone cry it feels bad about failures. That is only an introduction, but the point is, Is it okay not to synchronise with the old you? what if you lost your true self in the journey, will the destination still be called success? Are we going in the correct direction? Why do people NOT stop and make it right? What if people could not accept your changes? what if you lost more friends in finding yourself? Maybe I will not publish this blog as well because people including me coul...

It might be the soul or hope?  It might be like this, yes, it might be possible that you laugh very typically and do all the chores of everyday life, you make people smile, you miss your home, you like talking to new people, you forget about the dark parts of your life, the dark truths of your personality, which you only can unfold in front of the Creator because people are not meant to be your judge. That's why HE has a lot of curtains. He concealed your dark deep parts from the shallow world and made you able to live the most normal life up there. And then night covers all the world. When you look around, you see dark, and in this darkness, you can see the dark deep truths of your personality, and you appreciate how courageous you are, who fought against the hot winds of the bright sunny day and then took a walk to the dark deep night, where you are standing alone like you are in your grave, where you, the Lord, and the dark deep personality will be taken. Might be this dark deep...

Love is more than fantasy  I used to believe that love is the unseen bond you have with someone, the vibe you get which grows with time and the bond becomes stronger. When you feel happy without any specific reason, you least expect from the other person. Then Thing's get changed and it convinced me that it could be a good vibe you get from someone but it could not be unconditional true love. There might be a person you think you love the most but you people are totally opposite, you may giving them chances, they might show concern but they never know real you, they constantly judge you and blame you for your mistakes. Their words may heal your wounds but they prefer creating confusions, they may show concern care but in actual you felt distant. They might be good people but not the right one. Sometimes more random people could understand you better, but you still chasing and giving chances to ones who can't have the capabilities to understand your struggle, who can't feel ...

Move  Move I am writing after so long, maybe because I was trying to be more mature or act like that. people around believed that not expressing yourself is a sign of maturity and I was trying what they said as absolutely an act of immaturity again.  Filling my heart with unseen emotions after the emptiness and then making it empty again for another spell is not easy for sure But I did it again and again and now I am not feeling any sort of shame in expressing this all because I survived in a world where a lot of people commit suicide because they don't have the courage to brace their wounds, they get every day and each day because of having expectations and getting hurt again ad again, expectations from themselves or from people around them. This is not something I was going to write but I wrote it because maybe I have had this in my head since last week. I am proud of myself and this is what a person needs to move forward to be alive to stay and breathe and survive,  ...