Missing the Mess: Happiness?

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 Missing the Mess

It's very true that every person has a different perspective of life and the struggles of their lives are different too. But sometimes I miss the old mess I used to be, the mess I became unexpectedly, and the mess I never wanted to be but I was. I miss that mess of my life when I get upset over something made in my head, something very distracting. Sometimes very focused sometimes very immature, Maybe old me is still alive in the corner of my heart, sitting silently afraid of the fears of future, afraid of people, afraid of the way people got changed. It's life but it is life.

Sometimes you get opened to someone so much that you could not reopen like that again ever, even if you try. These bonds could be held between immature innocent kids who have not experienced detachment. Souls could bond again but minds could not.

satisfaction or happiness

On my to find my way out of this life, I have realized that love and satisfaction are two different things. We can be happy but still unsatisfied and unhappily satisfied. Even my life is an example; at moments in my life when everything is so perfect and on point as desired according to my plan, suddenly realize that my smile is fake. My hands did not clap with excitement and my eyes did not shine when I smiled. This happens for a reason. But happiness is mostly seen in the ocean of disturbance, the turbulence of uncertainty, and the rushing of emotions mostly bring the happiest moments. Where lines on your face are engraved with smiles. I miss those excited, turbulent happy moments. I miss the mess and struggle of my life to reach somewhere, where I laugh freely and shine when smile. Terror is not the cause of the rushing adrenaline in my veins but the enthusiasm. 

It took me longer than ever to write this, IDK the reason but what can I say?

I can never understand what is more important satisfaction or happiness? and why we can never be happy and satisfied. Satisfaction is a pseudo-happiness, It is assumed that we get satisfied and achieve what we aspired to achieve but idk what life is. Let's see where we reached.

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