Mahie Blog

 I was running in the darkness madly I want to escape  I want to touch the light I saw a glimpse of light  It was a suffocated cottage filled with snakes I tried to get into that and managed to stay alive in that crowd of deadly snakes in a lighted suffocated cottage I survived  But my wounds are still bleeding . . . . . .

I have to push myself, I know already the whole of my life is in front of me, I know better that no one ever comes forward to push me to do my tasks, and nobody can not be. I do not have a shoulder which can soak my tears and make me fly without wings, it's always me vs me; I know it very well. Still, I wake up daily and wait for the miracle. I have to grow new wings and again fly towards unknown directions and destinations, I want to do this and I have to do this. Only Me is the person who actually knows what I actually want, What actually needed the most. I actually exactly know. I need death.

 Missing the Mess It's very true that every person has a different perspective of life and the struggles of their lives are different too. But sometimes I miss the old mess I used to be, the mess I became unexpectedly, and the mess I never wanted to be but I was. I miss that mess of my life when I get upset over something made in my head, something very distracting. Sometimes very focused sometimes very immature, Maybe old me is still alive in the corner of my heart, sitting silently afraid of the fears of future, afraid of people, afraid of the way people got changed. It's life but it is life. Sometimes you get opened to someone so much that you could not reopen like that again ever, even if you try. These bonds could be held between immature innocent kids who have not experienced detachment. Souls could bond again but minds could not. satisfaction or happiness On my to find my way out of this life, I have realized that love and satisfaction are two different things. We can be

A lot has changed in time, from January to July, I was trying to gather life together, and my writing skills are getting worse and my analytical skills too because I have opted a way out of it and that's a way of avoidance. I don't like to communicate my fears, my weaknesses, and my shortcomings and I just want to relive the life that remained in my bucket. Mostly I want to share my experiences and write about each and every moment, about my feelings but sometimes I dont have words. sometimes I don't have feelings and sometimes both.  I just want to post that blog to make my account relive and start breathing again. it's October now and a lot has passed, daily I have learned new values, sometimes I just have to say that this world is a chain of experiences and emotions. Sometimes your emotions dominate and similarly, sometimes you could have full control of your emotions. Sometimes you know that certain emotions can damage your peace but you do not stop letting them dis

 Sometimes rather most of the time, We can not free the person we loved, maybe because we do not love them the most or maybe we cannot love them the most. Because somewhere else someone either is making efforts to see us happy but we want to make others happy, we are not free. We are bound by the people who are making efforts for us, we are bound by the expectation they had already built for us, we are bound by the lives we were designed to live, we are bound by the paths we have already c hosed for ourselves. We can not feel the pain of someone we love and release their pain or help them. maybe this healing could hurt us too badly and break the beautiful bond of the expectations of some precious people we have already who made efforts too. At this time I think that the best solution is to release and move with the flow because you know when they g not in your control letting them go is the best way to stay positive and grow healthily. This is not the only thing rather we can not contr

Criticism It was very clear to me when I decided to write  that criticism is something you have to face. Like yeah you have to whenever you have to show something to someone, to represent someone, these someones are open rather invited to criticize to point out the mistakes they think there are, however, or maybe that is your style or your whole point to writing or whatever. But the thing here is that I was very sure and still decided to write, even in my last post I admitted that I am open to criticism and being judged, but damn man that's another level of patience required for criticism. This whole stage of my life is all about criticism of different things, the way you think, the way you think like damnn yeah, people don't even pass comments on the way you think while I am like yeah plz Can I think alone? Like, think in my head don't come to see what am I thinking. Period. The second type and the worst type of criticism is the one which you have to face from your whole s

 Today I met the worst failure of my life. And when I said so I mean it. Like I go to a place where I always dreamt of but look at others being a part of that dream and living my dream. Being a person raising hands for clapping on the achievements of those who are living my dreams. I thought it would be difficult to be there, it was too but not that much. It gave me a feeling of joy with sadness, I could not read the feeling exactly, I was not aware of these before, and I was in the middle of all my failures at once. The feelings I was trying to keep to myself for years, the dreams which I keep to myself since childhood in front of me and I had to face them just like an intruder or a stranger, those were my dreams and I couldn't fulfil them. I couldn't understand why it didn't break me into pieces, just for a moment I felt shaken and broken but I knew that it would make it so I stay there and keep moving. It helped me realise that maybe those were not my dreams or now I get